Two updates in one week, I am on a roll now! LoL. Ok, not really.

Yesterday I went and got my 20 week ultrasound done, or at least I thought that's what it was. The ultrasound tech said that the baby was showing that it was more in its 19th week, not 20th. So what if its a little smaller than it 'should' be. Not all babies are the same size when they are born, lol. I'm just sticking with 20 weeks because it would only be a couple days off anyway, and 20 weeks is where I would be given the timeline. So :P on them lol.

She took a lot of pictures of the little one, which I will post in my next entry. More than likely tomorrow.

Today I spent a few hours at the pool, got a little toasty, swam some laps, and just generally relaxed and floated around. So nice. It kind of makes me want to look for a pool when my husband and I go house hunting but at the same time, nah. My mom is giving us the hot tub anyway so that works just fine for me!

I just got back a little under an hour ago from the gym. My back still gets somewhat stiff but not as bad. I walked on the treadmill for 20 minute to start out with then did some weights, then back on the treadmill again for 45 minutes. Typically I would only go back on for another 30 min. Why so long this time? Was I feeling ambitious? No. I wish, lol. It's because each treadmill, among other pieces of equipment, have a tv built into the screen and a show I like to watch, which is an hour long, was on. I had already missed the first 15 minutes of it so I decided to do a longer time on the treadmill so I wouldn't have to leave to go home in the middle of it.

While I won't do that regularly, my abdomen was starting to hurt in the last 5 minutes or so, it was still nice to feel like I was really doing something. On the treadmill alone I burned almost 300 calories. I just polished off some watermelon and blueberries as an after workout, late night snack, so I feel good : )

So I noticed that I've been gaining some more cottage cheese factor in my upper leg area. Not the most attractive thing in the world. I don't know why I'm bothering to hit the gym when I'm not able to do much, it probably isn't going to help any, especially when going all out every single day barely did a thing in that area :P Still, I started going again.

The first couple days all I did was walk on the treadmill for a half n hour. My lower back started getting stiff after 20 minutes. Ouch. I kept going anyway though. So what to do if I can't even walk on the treadmill without aching.

I took a couple days to rest, though I only meant to take one, I just didn't have time yesterday to go. Unless I wanted to go at midnight, lol. So when I went today I walked for 15 minutes on the treadmill then did some light weights on my legs and arms. Then I went back on the treadmill for 30 minutes. My lower back is still a little stiff but not as bad so I'm hoping spreading things out like that and moving around a lot more from station to station will help.

Seeing everyone else working out there it's really hard for me to take it easy at the gym. Still, even though I can't push myself like I use to, it feels good to get in there and do something. I get some pretty weird looks at the gym, it's kind of funny. You can see people contemplating in their minds.. is she pregnant or is she just really fat? lol.

Well his make up artists did anyway. Here is a side by side of him, while filming "Remember Me" and myself in 2007. Same gash, same split lip, dirt... it's all there. Thanks Catt for the split screen, complete with snarky comment ;)

For a bigger view, click on the picture.

Sorry it's taken me so long to update this, I just haven't felt like writing much lol.

1. So the first year of the Masters program I'm in for Eastern Medicine was overwhelming to say the least. Interesting, but overwhelming. It is so much information to process and I'm sure it won't be getting easier any time soon. For example, this is a list of the classes I will be taking next semester. Yes, ALL of them.

Identification of disease Patterns: Six channels, Meridian
Four Level and San Jiao
Herbology I and Oriental Herbal Diagnostic Methods
Ear Acupuncture II
Scalp Acupuncture
General Treatment Principles of Acupuncture
Acupuncture Point Location III
Acupuncture Case Studies I
Anatomy and Physiology III
Neuro-Anatomy
Clinical Neurology
Microbiology
Western Pathology
Oriental Bodywork – Pediatric Tui-Na Therapy
Clinical Internship III
Clinical Theater III

Western Medicine overload next semester! Good thing we like the Dean of Western Medicine, who teaches all of them. She is from the Ukraine. Very nice lady.

Clinical Theater is nothing really. The Internship, I need to take my test to move from Observe to Assist. Then I need to have 180 clinic hours for the semester (whether it be as an observe or assist). But I also have to have 100 patients as an assist.

2. I found out on Monday, March 30th that I was pregnant. My boyfriend (we weren't married at the time), was up in Washington D.C. doing his reserve time during that month. Fortunately he was on his last week and was returning that coming weekend. I didn't want to tell him over the phone, so I had to bite my tongue and wait until he came back. The test I took on Monday was a line test so on Saturday morning I took a digital one. I figured him seeing the word 'Pregnant' would hit him much harder than trying to understand what a couple lines mean, lol. The boy doesn't even known the difference between a tampon and a pad, and he was married for 10 years prior to us, lol.

I put the pregnancy test in a necklace jewelry box, told him I had a present for him and gave it to him. He said his first thought was, 'oh she got me a piece of jewelry?'then after he opened it, he didn't realize what it was at first and thought 'why is she giving me a thermostat?' lmao. Then he read the 'Pregnant' part.

Man I wish I had been video taping him because his reaction was priceless. I have never seen his face light up so bright before, or be so excited about anything. See, even though he was married 10 years before, they never had any children. 'YOU'RE PREGNANT?!!?!?!' He kissed me and hugged me and then pulled away and jokingly said.. 'It is mine right?' So I smacked him on the arm playfully and was like 'well duh!'I mean he is the ONLY man I've slept with lol. He just laughed and immediately dropped down to his knees, pressing his ear against my stomach and started talking to the baby. 'Hi little baby, its me daddy, I love yoou!' So cute!!

3. Danny and I got married on April 20th. We did the whole courthouse thing because we didn't have time to put together an actual wedding. See, back in February he volunteered to go on active duty in Africa because he wanted to make some more money. He never told me he was actually going until AFTER I told him I was pregnant. We wanted to get married before he left on May 1st in case anything happens to him over there, that way the baby and I will be taken care of. We are going to have our actual ceremony April 17th, 2010 because that was his Grandfathers birthday. Whom along with his Grandmother pretty much raised him. We met on November 17th, 2007 at a video arcade we both go to. We count that day as the day our relationship started because we were practically inseparable, due to my constantly wanting to be around him lol, from that point on. It was a VERY up and down relationship with many levels to it. If you want to know all the drama and crap that I went through to finally get him let me know. Though I'll probably write up a post on it sooner or later anyway. Basically, when I feel like it lol. I've never been so persistant in my life, especially not over some guy.

I promise I will make a longer post at another time, but here are somethings that have happened since the last time I updated. In no particular order.

1. I finished the first year of the Masters in Eastern Medicine Program last month.
2. I'm pregnant!!! Will be 4 months along on Monday :D
3. I got married :)

I promise I will elaborate on each item soon! I want to try and keep up with this again.

as I am still alive. I forgot to do my annual post of reassurance last year. Whoops.

Anyway I am again in a complicated relationship which I will not get into as it is a long story, hah.

Life is about to become even more stressful as I am returning to college this summer to attend a Masters program. In three years I will have earned a Bachelors in Professional Health Studies and a Masters in Eastern Medicine. God willing.

Just thought the folks on here would like to know that, lol.

Things are going alright, tho I am looking to transfer out of transportation and into something else. Maybe be a physical therapy aide, I'm really not sure yet. I love being a transporter, but there are certain people that I cannot stand to put up with much longer, so I really need to get out. I am also not making as much money as I did when I first started due to the fact that more people have been higher so my points for my bonus have gone from 90 - 100 down to 65. Ouch.

I could always go through the training to be a HUC but I see what they do and I'm really not interested in sitting behind a desk for 8 - 12 hours. It's also a pretty stressful job with everything that they have take care of, and I'm not all about stressful jobs. I'm all about stress free jobs, thank you very much, lol. No job is truly stress free of course, they all have their ups and downs, their highs and los but being a HUC? No thanks. The stress is not worth the money.

I'm still not sure what I want to go into as of yet, I wish I could figure it out but I just don't know. There are a few things I've been considering but nothing that has really jumped out at me. As the folks in the hospital say, I'm young yet, I've got time to figure my life out. My mom doesn't seem to think so lol.

Tho she is just worried that something will happen to her and I won't be able to support myself, I'll be out on the streets and what not, so I guess I understand.

I've talked to my ex's bestfriend. They are still over in Japan. It seems Jason has buried himself in work, that's all he ever does now.

Well not too much has happened since my last post. I'm working full time now at the hospital as a transporter, which is pretty cool. Even tho the base pay is crap, the shift differential and bonus we get from our points system makes up for it, so I'm making pretty good money. Plus since I'm running around 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I am definitely getting my exercise, lol.

So yes, I'm still alive. I haven't really caught anything from working at the hospital just yet. I hope I never do. Aside from the occasional cold of course.

Oh yeah, Jen moved back to Tampa to live with her parents. It's a long story that I need not get into, but I plan on visiting her on my next weekend off.

I spent this last weekend off with a highschool friend of mine, whom I came back into contact with through the wonders of myspace, lol. Well, not the weekend, but we did hang out saturday. We grabbed some lunch, went to Disney quest, got some dinner, went to Rockys, lol. It was a lot of fun. We're planning on hanging out again sometime in October. Maybe go to Halloween Horror Nights. If so, hopefully he can pick up Jen and we can all go together since he lives over there near her.

I should get to bed soon. Sleepy.

I know you can't save everyone, so why do I feel the need to?

It's something I've been asking myself for months now. Ever since an incident which occured in December my boyfriend has been sinking deeper and deeper into a world of depression, evident by his daily pity parties. I've done what I can but there is nothing more I can do. I can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. I'd helped him before through his issues he had due to his ex, but back then he wanted my help, he welcomed it. In fact he even met me half way and was doing so well. Then well, it's a long story and quite personal for him so I don't wish to post it here.

I emailed him yesterday saying that if he wasn't here in 2 months, I was going to break up with him. I hate ultimatums personally because then it doesn't feel as genuine, as if you are forcing someone to do something not because they want to but because they have; however I've tried everything else. What I got in response was well, a very bitchy email to say the least, which also tried to put a guilt trip on me. I can't say that I blame him for being annoyed however the tone of it was completely uncalled for and I know he would agree with me.

Especially now that I've broken up with him. I can't carry him and myself anymore, I haven't the strength any longer. I know I sound like I'm being melodramatic but anyone who knows the situation will disagree and say that I am being accurate, lol. I have offered to help him numerous times but he just pushes me further away. I can't reach him anymore, he's the only one who can. I told him that when he finds himself again, because the man he is right now is nothing more than a dark shadow of his former self, he knows where to find me.

No matter how hard you try, you can't save everyone. Though I still like to think I can. I suppose that's what love does to a person, you don't care how much pain you go through, or how many sacrifices you make, as long as you can save that one special person. The real problem is, what if that person doesn't want to be saved?

I am turning the comments off on this post as I do not need people saying they are sorry it didn't work out. I am sorry it didn't work out. I only hope that he can find his true self, the man I fell in love with, and one day either return to me or make some other woman very happy. No matter what I wish him the best and hope that someday he will allow himself back into the light. He may say otherwise, but he really does deserve to be loved.

Taylor won American Idol! Finally my favorite actually wins. I knew it from the beginning he was gonna win it. How can you not love him? He's just so damned entertaining and loveable.

Soul Patrol! Soul Patrol! : D

Yes, I'm still alive.

No, my boyfriend isn't here yet. He is still over in Japan, doing his culinary arts training. Lord only knows when he'll be done. Hopefully soon, his friend is getting tired of being stuck there as well as they have been there since the end of December, lol. Poor Chris. I am glad he is there though, I need someone to keep tabs on that boyfriend of mine since he has a nasty habit of not caring about himself. Plus Chris can give him a swift kick in the ass for me if need be.

I registered a new domain since someone stole my old one and now it's some lameass search engine. It's up but there's nothing on it as of yet except my craptacular flash intro.

I update my myspace more than I do this thing so check me out. http://www.myspace.com/jnoxenet

I've been trying to force myself to write a little something or do something thats of a creative nature each day. Doing pretty good on that.

Oh yeah and Guild Wars has eaten my soul.

That's about it.

get a grip or something. It's a damn book for Gods sake. Chill woman. Books whether they be fiction or non-fiction are meant as a source of entertainment. Hollywoods been doing this kind of shit for years. So has tv, just look at all those "reality" tv shows. And I'm positive he is not the first author to pull this stunt. The only reason she's pissed is because she thinks it's gonna ruin her image. Or that it makes her look stupid. Either way she's only mad because of selfish reasons.

I never did like Oprah. She always seemed to have this all high and mighty attitude. I think it rubs off on people because when Dr. Phil was on her show all the time, I didn't like him either. When he first started his own show I didn't like him. But now that it seems he's broken a little bit more away from her, I like him. He doesn't seem arrogant anymore to me and he doesn't berate people as much anymore, at least not without adding some positive reinforcement, lol.

AIM lost my buddylist yet AGAIN. This is the second time in like a month or so it's done this. Plus it keeps crashing on me.

Stupid AIM.

Oh well, off to bed with me.

Cheers and all that.

and pray that these past few days of this new year are not a reflection of what's to come.

and all that stuff.

I got a new computer for Christmas after all. Sneaky mom. I'm so proud of her, she picked it out all by herself too.

http://www.pcconnection.com/ProductDetail?Sku=6144793

I've hit it.

It feels as though I'm drowning. No matter how hard I claw for the surface to try and find air, I only continue to slide backwards, deeper and deeper into this dark abyss of despair.

I've done it.

I've gone off the deep edge. Only one can save me from this, but they are lost in their own sea of anguish and self pity.

How much longer I wonder, can I survive this way? I'm rapidly losing the strength to fight. I'm so weak. So tired. I have... nothing left.

It wasn't suppose to end this way. Not now. Not ever. And certainly.. not like this.

his grandmother is really ill so now he HAS to go to Japan to pay his last respects. Basically he won't be coming here, at least not for Christmas anyway.

I'm only assuming he's still moving down here as him and his friend, who is also moving, have all of their stuff packed. As to when, I have no clue.

As if things aren't any worse, Patches has been coughing A LOT this past week or so. I made an appointment with the vet for her tomorrow, I think she has a cold. I hope that's all it is. I hope it's nothing serious.

Life sucks.

I got a flat tire yesterday. I have no clue from it. I guess it just died or something. Since I was feeling like shit I decided not to deal with it until today. My mom gave me crap about it today but oh well. At least it's not costing an arm and a leg this time.

On the brighter side of things... my boyfriend is coming down Wednesday. So to all those who were concerned about me, I am most definitely feeling better. I won't however feel 100% again until he's down here and I'm in his arms. They keep me safe you know : D

Sooo now I have a lot of shit that needs to be done. I need to finish his christmas present since I stopped working on it and I still have a lot to do on it. I need to wrap presents. Wash my car or get it washed, clean out my car, put away laundry, clean out my dressers *according to my mom). So yeah I have plenty to do to keep me busy.

Mondays almost gone. Hopefully Tuesday will go just as quickly.

sanity has many parts. And I'm beginning to get into the depression aspect of it.